Matt and I are separating. Some things happened, some of them a long time ago, that I haven’t been able to forgive. I’m taking some time and space to clear my head, go to therapy by myself, and think about things.
I don’t know what’s going to happen afterwards. I have good grounds for divorce, but many people are telling me that I’m strong, that Matt and I can get through this, that we can get back together. I don’t know about that. Right now, I just want withdraw, take some time, and try to heal.
In the meantime, I’m looking for a room in the West LA area. I have 10 appointments lined up for this weekend, plus one more that I still need to confirm. My sister would be so proud of me. I have them all organized on a spreadsheet. Next to each place, I have listed the price per month (rent + utilities), the move-in cost, commute time, commute cost, laundry options, laundry cost, if it is furnished, and the bath situation (private, shared, or both).
I figured that, after the cost of my cell phone, student loans, discretionary spending, food spending, and savings, I can afford $880/month for rent, bus pass, laundry, and utilities. It doesn’t sound like terribly much, but most of my options are in that price range. OK – so there are two apartments $20 and $80 above that, but the $20 one is 17 minutes from work – total commute time!!! And the $80 is right by The Grove!!!! I mean, I’m not going to go to the cheapest place if it’s an hour commute and there’s no Trader Joe’s close by. I need Trader Joe’s! 🙂
Anyway, I’ll be visiting places and taking pictures, and updating this blog. I’m trying not to focus on the whole sadness part of this. Matt wants me to stay, and I’m so afraid that I will give in and do what he wants. It’s so ingrained in me to do what other people think I should do/want me to do, and I so desperately want to do what is best for me/what I need to do.
So tonight, I am looking at two different rooms. We’ll see what happens!