“Our Song”

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What happens to “our song” when you get divorced? There’s this song you absolutely love, and whenever it came on the radio, the two of you would dance to it for a few brief moments. But now he is gone, and there is still this song. You still love the song, but it’s full of memories about him.

And maybe someday that will be a bittersweet feeling, but right now it is just sad. The song is full of sad memories, broken promises, and poisoned love. So you won’t listen to the song for awhile, and maybe the next time you hear it – a few months, perhaps a year – maybe it won’t be such a sad song anymore.

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Thoughts

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A couple days ago, Matt told me he doesn’t care about me anymore. So I printed out the paperwork to file for a summary dissolution of marriage. He is going to look it over and, within a month or so, I guess we will file for divorce.

To be honest, I was blindsided by this. I fought for our relationship for 22 months, against all better judgement and reasoning. I love Matt. I’ll always love him, I expect. So it is very difficult for me to understand how he can go from loving me to not caring about me in less than two weeks.

I’ve had about two days to process this, and I still don’t really get it.

But this weekend is Gina’s bachelorette in Vegas, so I will try to put this out of mind, and focus on this exciting time for her. On Saturday, it will be 6 weeks til the wedding. I’m so very happy that she found her person. Maybe someday, in a few years, I will find that too.

Honestly, the prospect of being single is scary, though. I don’t have any single friends, and if I want to do something fun, most likely, I will have to drag a friend or tag along as a 3rd wheel.

For example, I want to go to the OC Fair, but I don’t have anyone to go with. I know myself. I won’t be able to stand being single for long, so I’ll probably end up dating one or two guys casually, just so I have people to do things with.

Or, I could take this time to get to know Kimberlee better, and do fun things with her. That’s actually not a bad idea.

Sewing Patterns for Autumn

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It’s time to start thinking about my autumn wardrobe.  Early Fall patterns are slowly being released by the major four pattern companies, and I’ve found a few interesting picks so far.

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I love the ruffle detail of Butterick 5917.  I’m not a huge fan of the straight skirt – it would need fabric with more of a stretch.  But the neckline is to die for.

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Butterick 5919 is interesting.  You can’t see a lot of detail in the picture, but here is the drawing.

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All the dresses have the interesting gathers below the bust instead of darts.  A & B have the back opening, although back C would be more work appropriate.  Version B leaves room for a petticoat underneath, and version C has the interesting fishtail, although I seriously wonder what it would look like in real life.  Along with the sleeve and neckline variations, there are plenty of details to make the dress interesting.

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I’m a little iffy on Butterick 5930. It reminds me very much of Butterick 5747, except that 5747 has a button front and pleated skirt, while 5930 has a circle skirt.  I already own 5747, so I don’t think I would purchase 5930.  I can, however, incorporate the circle skirt into 5747, since I like circle skirts better than pleated.

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Finally, there is this super cute pajama set, Butterick 5932.  It’s the first cute cami I’ve seen in sizes 24/26 (which are real world sizes 20/22).  I’m definitely getting this to make some cute lounge wear for around the house.  Most of my lounge wear is several years old, and ready to fall apart.

Hair

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Sometimes I miss being blonde, and I want to go back.  But then I remember how expensive it was – $160/month – and how cheap being a brunette is… roughly $3.50 every three weeks.

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Blonde

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Life

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New pillows

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Goodbye, old apartment

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Made a new friend

Life has been hectic the past week. My boss is back at work from surgery, so work has been full of minor adjustments / major catching up. I’ve been getting to know my roommate, Rachel. We have a similar background – homeschooled IFB, went to college, discovered feminism. Although to be fair, I didn’t really become a feminist until after college. We have a lot of shared interests, and we’ve been watching the new season of “Arrested Development” (is amazing!!!).

Next week, Gina and I are going to Vegas for her bachelorette. I am excited for our vacation!!

Feelings

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I moved into my new apartment today. Chris (cousin) helped me move.

I am so terrified right now. Did I make the right choice? Will I be okay on my own? I feel so alone right now.

But… Yes, I did make the right choice. My marriage and my heart were broken. Leaving is the only viable choice.

I remember when I broke up with Chris and Ryan. I was scared. I had no idea what was going to happen. But you know what?? I moved on, and everything was fine. And everything will be fine now, I hope. 🙂