I’m 26 today.
Last year, on my old blog, I wrote:
“Today I’ve been thinking back on the past five years of my life… at 23 ½, I met Matt. Matt changed everything. I settled down, mostly. I attached to him as if he was the last drop of water in Death Valley. So now things are getting back on track, which is, in a word, bliss. Life now is so much better than it ever has been.”
It wasn’t bliss.
I wasn’t okay.
I did a really great job pretending to be okay. I think I fooled almost everyone, except maybe the people who know me the very best…and then, I fooled them too, sometimes.
When I look back at 25, it wasn’t a very happy year. For most of the year, I was in a really dark place. I couldn’t admit to anyone that something bad had happened. That I wasn’t okay.
Then I told someone. I finally admitted that I was Not Okay.
Afterwards, it was easier to tell other people that things weren’t okay. And then, a week ago today, I told Matt things weren’t okay. I asked for a divorce.
So now I’m looking ahead at 26. I’m moving out in 8 days. I have no idea what the next year is going to look like. I have absolutely no doubts that it will have some dark, rough times. But I hope it will have some wonderful, happy times, too. I hope that, one year from today, I’ll look back and say, “Wow. 26 was actually a really good year.”
On a happier note, I made cupcakes… vanilla cake, with an orange buttercream filling, with vanilla buttercream on top. Yes. I filled the cupcakes.
I like to think of cupcakes as little tiny holders for frosting. After all, frosting is the best part.