Today, I’m back at work from a lovely three-day-weekend. Yesterday, I had a truly enlightening experience. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to work at a job I detest – a job I absolutely loathe. Sometimes, I complain about my job, but I really have it easy. I don’t wake up in the morning dreading the day ahead. I don’t count the hours until I’m off work. I like my coworkers, and my workload is varying and mostly interesting. I have great benefits and so much paid time off, it’s ridiculous. And maybe I don’t make as much money as I would like, but I don’t have to worry about getting raises, and I never worry about being laid off or fired. I really am quite fortunate, and I need to stop griping about waking up early, or my stupid co-worker that plays pranks on me. I’ve been a lot worse off.
This weekend was rather enjoyable. Sunday night, I had a lovely date with a guy from eHarmony. We saw American Hustle (which I liked, but I didn’t like), and then had dinner and coffee. I really enjoyed meeting him, and I have a date with him for Saturday. He reminds me about Matt in a lot of ways. He’s 25, and he has a job, but he doesn’t have his career figured out. Which is absolutely ok – lots of people my age definitely don’t have things figured out. I certainly don’t! He is rather geeky, but then, so am I. He didn’t make a move on me, and I appreciated that a lot. We both love liturgical churches, and we have a lot of hobbies in common.
I’m not in a rush to get married again. I really need to figure out where my career is going to go, and I must do that before I commit to a serious, marriage-intended relationship. I’m very much enjoying living by myself again (with a roommate), and I love having money to spend on nice things, like letterpress birthday cards that cost twice three times as much as a Hallmark card, or Clinique skincare products instead of Neutrogena (I <3 Clinique!), or a ridiculous amount of fabric for Spring dresses just because I can and it’s pretty and I want it.
I was thinking yesterday about something one of my friends mentioned on Friday. He said that feminists, like me, tend to marry “milquetoast kinds of guys,” not “real men.” He says we marry men we can boss around, men we can control. My friend has it all wrong. My friend automatically assumes that someone is going to get bossed around in the relationship, and if the man isn’t bossing the woman, then the woman must boss the man. He doesn’t realize that there can be marriages where no one does any bossing whatsoever – where respect and consideration and love go both ways. My friend wants a puppet wife to do what he wants her to do, not a wife that demands equal respect and equal say. (He wants puppet children that he can control, too, but that’s a whole other story.)
So I was wondering all day yesterday if I’m setting myself up for failure again by dating guys that aren’t the take charge, alpha male types. When I think about it, guys like this repulse me. I don’t understand relationships where one person has more say than the other. I don’t understand marriages where the wife has to be manipulative in order to get what she wants. I’m reminded of that movie (My Big Fat Greek Wedding?) where the mother tells her daughter than the husband may be the head, but the wife is the neck, and so the wife gets to turn her husband’s head in whatever direction the wife wants. A marriage like that would be a living hell for me… it was a living hell for me. With Matt, often he would make me logically argue for what I wanted. If we had different opinions, I had to logically argue for my perspective, but he certainly never had to do that. I remember throwing temper tantrums because I was so frustrated that he didn’t listen to me. If me simply telling him want I wanted didn’t work, then maybe breaking a few dishes would. Yeah, that was so mature.
I don’t want to think about unpleasant memories, so I’m going to stop there.
In other news, I bought some Marvel superhero fabric to make a comic book dress. It’s cut out and waiting to be sewn. Super excited to wear it!
Was it really a year ago that Matt and I took that spontaneous trip to Solvang? Time flies.